Things happen in marriage that often you can?t predict. In fact, according to Census data, about 9 in 10 people will marry, and about half of first marriages will end in divorce.
It?s a difficult road no matter who you are after a divorce happens. Whether you are the person who initiated the split or the one who wanted it never to occur, here are some tips that will help you find that special somebody with less risk of getting hurt again.
Steps After Divorce:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve ? It is an enormous shift to transition from married to single life. You likely have photographs, notes, cards and other items that remain with you. Give yourself permission to say farewell, even if the marriage is already finalized and over. Emotions usually don?t simply ?cut off? because you?ve signed on the line?allow yourself the loss.
2. Use your Supports ? As much as you might feel like crawling in a hole, and staying there for a while, it will do your mental state so much good if you share your feelings with others. Even just having a friend over for a movie and talking or a simple call.
3. Give it Time before Dating?- It is not uncommon for people to feel alone after a split, and seek out either former relational partners or begin new ones. Giving yourself space for reflection is important not only to nurture yourself, but also to prevent falling into dysfunctional patterns of connection.
4. Check your Thinking ? As soon as a breakup occurs, it?s natural to fall into incorrect thinking patterns like ?all men are cheaters? or ?women are all the same.? As time passes, really be sure to examine your thoughts so they are not affecting your future relationships negatively. For example, some people who might feel insecure about themselves or their attractiveness might have sex sooner than they would have otherwise with someone they normally wouldn?t have even dated.
5. Know What Went Wrong ? On the surface, these are the questions that could seem easy (he cheated), but in fact, there could be similar traits in all the people you are choosing that are ending poorly. Many people seek a professional here to prevent them from choosing ?the same person with a different face.? People tend to repeat patterns when they aren?t aware of them or ?don?t know how to halt them.
6. Set Boundaries with your Ex ? If you share children, this will become more difficult and require you to stay in touch?however, if you don?t have children, why would you continue contact? Doing this often sets you up for a dysfunctional reunion or a disruption in any new relationship you might try to form.
7. Use this as Opportunity ? Explore your interests that maybe you didn?t have time for previously, learn a new sport, and find ways to nourish yourself. Sitting at home will never make you feel better after a small time to grieve.
Consider These things Before Starting a New Relationship
1. Companionship is different than Dependency ? Know the difference. Often after a relationship, you may feel very vulnerable, lonely, and have lowered self-esteem. Choosing someone at this point may meet those temporary needs, but you will likely select someone you wouldn?t have if you were not feeling so needy.
2. The ?Whys? ?? ?Why are you seeking a relationship? If you are looking for a relationship for a quick fix to problems such as general unhappiness, finances, or even homemaking, this is likely not the right time for you.
The General Rule: You are ready to date when your previous partner is no longer always on your mind, you have worked out the patterns of why it went wrong, and you can say genuinely that you are happy on your own.?
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Source: http://www.drgurner.com/how-to-have-a-healthy-relationship-after-divorce/
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